First of all, how awesome is matzah? If it didn't wreak havoc on my digestive system, I would consider eating it year round. Matzah with cream cheese? With butter? With hummus? With wasabi horseradish? With caramel and chocolate and almonds and white chocolate chips? Passover--yes please!
This passover has actually been a really wonderful re-birth of sorts for me. In a state of panic I deleted my last post about the Rabbi (I was convinced he'd read the post in the hour between our Facebook friendship confirmation and my wherewithal to block him from reading it). I tried to get the post back (because fuck it, am I right?) but I can't seem to recover it. So, unless it's hidden somewhere in my computer and resurfaces soon, we'll all just have to try to reconjure my witty jabs and self-deprecating humor meant to cover up my vulnerability/pain over his interminable text response rate.
After a rather intense two and a half weeks, the Rabbi broke up with me Wednesday night. It was almost mutual, except that I cried. But I had had three glasses of wine. I'm blaming that. He said that he didn't feel ready to get serious with someone after his most recent break-up from a two-year relationship. He mentioned her about once an hour, so I too believe that he is not ready to be serious. More importantly, though, is the fact that the Rabbi just wasn't right for me. We were poorly matched from the beginning, and we both knew it. The idea of going to the Park Slope food co-op together on Sundays was just so appealing! He's already a member! Looks like it'll be old Trader Joe and I for a while longer.
So yes, I felt burned in the moment, but this "rejection"--if we must call it that--hurt much less than prior rejections. I've been making a real effort to work on myself. To judge myself and my life and my self-worth on things OTHER than my relationships with men. I'm going to zumba class even when I'm hungover. I'm forcing myself to do pre-work yoga. I'm cooking and hosting and being a friend--doing all the things that bring me the greatest joy in life.
On Tuesday I had twelve friends over for a Passover seder, and it reaffirmed how rich and full my life is without a boyfriend. It also reaffirmed that I'm good at cooking! I roasted potatoes with olive oil, salt, and rosemary. I made up a chicken recipe--olive oil, white wine vinegar, salt, pepper, garlic, thyme, and lemon--and it was delightful. My roommate made the goat cheese and pear salad. Friends brought haroset, matzah brittle, and Manischewitz. It was a truly spectacular evening, and I didn't think about my dating life the whole night! Except for that drunken booty-text I sent around 11pm to an acquaintance who shall remain nameless. Thank god I fell asleep before too much damage was done. And now it's Friday at 1:15am. No poor life decisions and we're halfway through the weekend! Mazel tov!
